Hunger, Part III

August 24, 2017

Beyond physical hunger and satiation, there's another kind of hunger.  It grows not in the body but somewhere else, and it's the hunger I both know well and don't know at all. This hunger is one of unconsciousness, and it masks unrecognized feelings.  It adds pounds to a frame without the person realizing how.  But if allowed, if awareness is chosen, this hunger can unmask those unrecognized feelings, revealing them to be examined and dealt with.  This is dangerous territory, as this hunger also can reveal our deepest hurts and desires.  This hunger feeds on boredom, deprivation, pain,loneliness, anger, hurt feelings, fear, broken hearts, unfulfilled dreams, unexpressed desires...  Behind this awareness is hope and a future.

I started keeping a food list on the first day of this month.  It's nothing fancy, just a small wire-bound notebook.  As I'm becoming more aware, it's not as necessary to write down what I'm eating, but it's in my bag, and I will use it any day I feel the need.  Listing the food I'm eating makes me aware of when I eat and what I eat. I'm trying to not judge, just to list.  This isn't a diet (that word!) but a way of life I'm trying to establish.  Eating healthy, eating when hungry, not use food to mask (fill in the blank).  I'm learning awareness.  When I want something now and I'm not hungry, I'm asking myself, why?  What am I feeling?  What do I really want?  If I listen, this hunger will answer.