Hunger, Part XII

September 2, 2017

I'll close the "Hunger" series with a quote:

“The story of my life is wanting, hungering, for what I cannot have or, perhaps, wanting what I dare not allow myself to have.”
― Roxane Gay, Hunger
 
I am thinking this is the hunger that underlies many hungers.  It's the hunger of wanting what we cannot have or do not have.  But then really, because we think we cannot have, we do not try.  If we try, we think, and if we fail, then the possibility to which we cling dies.

I've realized I've been doing this.  About three months ago, a friend did a chakra reading for me using various Tarot and Oracle cards.  After this, I came to a deeper understanding of this problem inside me.  I thought I knew I could have more, but if I did know this, I wasn't acting like it.  Was it that there was always tomorrow (a lie) or that I feared being denied my dream, and then what would I do if the dream was murdered by a no, if my hope of it was shattered?

Since then, I've been studying why I'm not going after my dreams and doing so more.  I submitted a proposal to give a lecture.  And it was accepted.  I started this blog and started eating healthy.  A month in, that's going well, in my opinion, despite concrete evidence of having lost weight as of yet.  I don't weigh, and it's too soon to see much loss in clothing.  But I do have more energy, and I'm proud of myself for not letting myself down.  These were two wants. 

As Roxane said, “I often tell my students that fiction is about desire in one way or another. The older I get, the more I understand that life is generally the pursuit of desires. We want and want and oh how we want. We hunger.”

Hunger isn't the enemy.  It's the guiding light to salvation.

Click here for more quotes from Roxane Gay's Hunger.