City Energy, Self Care, Art, and Dessert

July  31, 2017

I took the day off and drove an hour south of my small city for some big-city energy.

First, I pursued some self care with a hair cut.  My hair isn't super thick,  but it felt incredibly heavy after a longer period than usual between cuts.  Ahhh.  It feels great now.

After that, art, art, art!  I have a membership at the art museum in that city, and there were four new exhibits.   I took many notes and found so much inspiration for my own art and writing.   This was a feeding of my soul and intellect.

Lunch was in the art museum's cafe.   Portabella mushroom sandwich and a side salad with strawberry vinaigrette dressing.  Healthy and yummy. 

I took a more-scenic route back to my small city.  The drive both ways opened my mind as car rides often do. 

Finally,  I had sliced tomatoes for dinner tonight and a slice of strawberry  cake.  I had ice cream earlier.   I have not indulged in sweets as much lately, and I'm finding these very rich.  After today, and the reason for this indulgence, I plan at least a 30-day fast from desserts.  I've done this before,  between Thanksgiving and Christmas in 2012.  I might go longer.  It's time I deal with my sugar issue.

Good advice.

July 30, 2017

Today's decisions are tomorrow's realities.

--Tim Storey

Today, I'm making good decisions.

Why Blog?

July 29, 2017

I've asked myself the question about why I chose to blog, and I think part of it is to not be so lonely on this road.  Everyone doesn't understand this situation, but I'm hoping some like-minded people are reading or will, people who understand and/or see something of themselves in my journey, my words.

Another reason to blog:  I'm a writer.  I've journaled for years, and this is a natural, though very public, extension of that.  Writing is my best way of expressing myself. 

And finally, I blog to not hide.  I'm trying to be honest here, though there will probably be times I don't want to be.    

Begin Again

July 28, 2017

took the first pill this morning, the second this afternoon. 

Beginning. 

Jump Start

July 27, 2017

Yesterday, I was full of hope, bright and unlike any for a long while.  Today, it's still there, though a bit less intense. 

I picked up the prescription on the way home last night.  That was easy to do--on the drive, good price--but also hard.  I'm a do-it-myself person, and asking for help is not second nature.  I'd wanted to do this myself, but I'm tired, especially of too many false starts.  I do know that for me a jump-start will be good for my motivation.

So, I'll begin tomorrow, closer to weekend.  I'm waiting because one of the early side effects is diarrhea while the body adjusts.  A friend who is taking the medication for the purpose it was created told me this did happen to her, but she also made a lifestyle change in food consumption at that same time, eating more veggies and whole grains, so she cannot say how much of her issue was from the drug and how much from the introduction of new foods.  And even healthy foods will disrupt a system if introduced rapidly.  I've been eating veggies and whole grains for a long time, fewer processed foods, no meat (though some seafood), good oils and fats.  But that's another story for another blog.

The Journey Begins

July 26, 2017 

Mary Oliver's poem, "The Journey," begins with the lines

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

That day, for me, was yesterday. 

I've been trying to move forward and create a great life, but I've been stuck in many way.  Clarity finally struck that if I always do what I've always done, I'll always get what I've always got (as they say in some 12-step programs).  So, I made a decision that during an afternoon doctor's visit, I'd ask about trying a medication he's suggested before for weight loss.  In the meantime, I researched the drug and reached out to two friends about this.  Surprisingly, both knew something about this from personal experience (her or someone she loved).  I also made a list of questions for the doctor regarding cost, additional doctor's visits (as that's a cost), side effects, a condition I have that he doesn't treat, a concern regarding one of my lab numbers and the medication, etc.  In his office, we went through my questions, and I decided to proceed.  I plan to pick up the prescription later today.

Because I consider this to be not just a physical issue but also emotional, mental, and spiritual, I'm not simply going to pop a pill.  I feel the need for reflection and internal healing.  My plan is to reach out to my employer's EAP this week and to take advantage of their publications and probably counseling.  Why now?  I don't know.  I think I'm tired of being stuck.  How long will this take?  I don't know.  I think the medication could give me the encouragement, the jump-start, I need to get going after too many false starts.  And I am ready to do this.  I want what is on the other side:  health, peace of mind, a sense of wholeness...  
 
There is much I could say and the thoughts are tumbling in my head.  In time, I'll share those.  But for now, I hope if you're reading this, you'll consider following me.  This won't be an easy journey, though it will hopefully be the one I desperately need.  I'd love to have your company.

I'll close this first entry with the rest of Mary Oliver's poem:

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.